Opeth
There's a sense of longing in me
As I read Rosemary's letter
Her writing's honest
Can't forget the years she's lost
In isolation
She talks about her love
And as I read
"I'll die alone"
I know she was aching.
There's a certain detail seen here
The pen must have slipped to the side
And left a stain
Next to his name
She knows he's gone
And isolation
Is all that would remain
"The wound in me is pouring out
To rest on a lover's shore".
This AI version touches me even more than the original version, I know it's a sacrilege to say that but, even when I dreamed of listening Mikael singing some Silverchair stuff (Emotion Sickness) and Daniel Johns singing some Opeth stuff (Burden) I never dreamed of this, I didn't even know I needed till it reached to me... and it was awesome, I couldn't help but crying like a child... Yes, I literally cried when listening this for the first time, and some tomes after that as well...
It was so SO emotional for me because of Opeth, because of the lyrics, and totally overwhelming because of Daniel's voice (people who knows about him will know why... there's a lot, A LOT of reasons to feel that...)
It was so overwhelming to imagine Daniel Johns singing this, something I think he totally could sing and in his voice it felt like an, kind of a sequel or prequel to Emotion Sickness, that was crazy!!!
Thank you SO much for this dude, thanks from the bottom of my black heart (you know who you are!) It totally touched my heart!!! Now I'm gonna listen to that over and over again thinking I'm almost the only fortunate one being able to do that!
His voice's can totally sound so raw and desperate and then totally calm down and turn out so soft and warm, he's gifted. And those changes has surely something to do with healing (lessons learnt). And maybe that's one of the reasons why I felt this, somehow, as Emotions Sickness prequel or sequel (depending on how you tell the story), deep in my soul...
I always thought that while we are getting older the more "deaths" we carry on our backs, inside of us... "slowing down our walking" I wrote somewhere.
That song and its magnificent videoclip (a short film in fact) used to hurt me so much, THAT much that I couldn't even watch it (nor listen to the song), and that lasted for a long long time...
it was something, kind of "sui generis" and irrational, but now I feel like... as if it triggered in the past my future traumas, I mean, I really REALLY didn't know what that song was doing to me, I just couldn't explain it, I just knew it hurt so much and I ended up, I remember it clearly, covering my ears and moving my head from side to side in semicircles on its own axis, as if saying "No, I can't!" and turning off the song in order not to fall apart, but I didn't even understand why it triggered that chaos in my head... it just did. I didn't even knew what was that overwhelming chaos.
Years passed by and now I embrace that song (as I told you before in this blog). And now I feel and know and understand completely I have some traumas in my mind that I can't manage just by myself, not for now... I feel like I'm right now in one of the most obscure moments of my life and curiously, it's precisely today that I'm totally embracing the song as I never did, as no other song before. I feel like is the one, THE ONE in this world that can totally understand me and describe what and how I feel...
Now I listen to every sound carefully and understand it and totally embrace it... And, here is the "sui generis" part, I theorize that maybe, when I was younger, I was already terrified about this precise moment of my life, I was terrified about who I will become and how broken I would be...
I know it's not possible that the song have triggered a future trauma in me really, I mean, neither the lyrics nor the music, just because of that simple fact, that would be THE FUTURE, and as far as I know neither the songs nor my own mind have the ability to predict future really... However, I remember always being really scared of become exactly what I became. Anyway, I just came up with that, kind of, "extravagant explanation" because now I totally connect with both, the lyrics and the music, and because I honestly feel broken (and emotionally sick), and going and revisiting the past, as if I was an old OLD lady with nothing more than her memories. And that's the only song in my life that decades before triggered immediately such a reaction in me, and even more, something so difficult to avoid, explain and/or understand...
And then came up this AI cover, it overwhelmed me just as the Emotion Sickness used to do to me in the past... but the difference is, 1) obviously, this song didn't really happened, and 2) I know now why it triggers some emotions in me: just read the lyrics, know how much I love Opeth and how much I love Daniel Johns' music and voice, and how much I can, somehow, feel related with him, in more than just one way (not with his talent in music, of course, something which I totally lack).
Thank to anyone who's reading this and not getting scared about my troubled mind...
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